Funny Things a Husband Says or Does

--This summer we had a fly problem in our house. Bill went to Wal-Mart and bought fly traps. Sticky strings of paper to catch flies on. This fly trap hung in the kitchen for 3 days and the flies ignored it. So, Bill being the great hunter he is, used the fly swatter and killed 3 flies and stuck them to the fly trap to use as decoys. He figured the other flies would see these 3 flies hanging around and decide to join them. Crazily enough, it worked.

--One day Colby and Bill were wrestling. Every time Bill knocked Colby down, he said "Get up son, don't stay down, you can never stay down, that's when you get hurt." Colby would get up just so Bill could knock him down again. On it went for about 10 minutes. Until, Colby got a lucky hit in and hit Bill in the privates. Well, Bill fell down moaning and rolling all over the floor. Colby started hitting Bill saying "Get up daddy, don't stay down, that's when you get hurt." Bill wanted me to get Colby off him, but I was too busy laughing, plus I thought Bill deserved it.


--When I was pregnant with Colby I wanted a girl and Bill wanted a boy. We went for our ultrasound and the technician said we were having a boy. Bill was so happy. On the way home from the doctor's office, I asked Bill "what if the technician made a mistake, and we end up having a girl." Bill said, "Then I'll shave her hair off, and do an ultrasound on her head to make sure she has a brain." It was really funny.

--A couple years ago we had a birthday party for Bill, and we had a lot of people come. I had to park my car out in the middle of the yard. After everyone left, I never moved my car back into the driveway. The next morning I was dressed for church, and I didn't want to walk out in the yard in my shoes, so I woke Bill up and asked him to go and get the car for me. He was sleeping only in his boxers, and since I was running late I told him not to bother putting on pants, and to just slip on some shoes and go get my car. We lived out in counrty and no one was going to see him. Colby and I went outside to wait for him to bring the car onto the driveway and not thinking about it I locked the door, and Bill was using the spare set of keys so there was no house key on the key chain. So there Bill is locked outside of the house in just his boxers. We had to drive out to his parents house and get the spare key from them. They gave us the wrong key, but we didn't know it til we got home, and so we had to go back to there house, but they were at church so we had to drive to the church and get the right key. I'm laughing uncontrollably the whole time, and Colby is sitting in the back seat asking "why is daddy in his boxers?" It still makes me laugh.

--Bill is a sleep walker and talker. He does and says crazy things while he asleep. One night, Alison and I were up late and I could hear Bill getting mad in his sleep. I walked in the bedroom to to hear what he was mumbling about. In his dream, he was playing golf, and wherever his ball landed men started doing construction work. So he was having to hit his ball around cranes, bulldozers, and half finished buildings. He was getting madder and madder and all I could do was laugh.

--Bill does not think I am funny. I crack myself up and others a lot, however, Bill does not find me amusing at all. One night Alison and I were up late again, when Bill came out of the bedroom and started eating a brownie. This is unusual in itself, because my husband does not really like sweets. He sits down beside me on the couch to eat his brownie, and Alison and I are trying to figure out if he is asleep or not. We are talking and making each other laugh, and he starts laughing and cracking jokes with us. Then we knew he was asleep, so we started making fun of him laughing harder, which caused him to laugh harder. It was funny.